I was so nervous about today. I'd been nervous since the middle of January. I can literally talk to anyone but when I know that what I say and do determines my future, my stomach turns. That's just me.
When registration finally began (after standing in line for 30 minutes) reality set in. There were hundreds (not exaggerating) of people there with the same exact hope and purpose that I was. And, I am not talking just college students. There were people there who had graduated 2 years ago and were still looking for a job. BOOM! Reality elbowed me right in the side. There are people who have been looking for jobs for TWO years. And here I am thinking that I am going to find a job BEFORE I even graduate. Finally, after sitting through registration in the auditorium, it was time to go around to sign up for interview times. When the man said, "Okay, yall are dismissed." it reminded me of Black Friday. People were RUNNING to tables to make sure they got an interview slot. Thankfully, with my experience of the Black Friday rush, I managed to get the 5 interviews that I wanted.
My first interview
Purpose: to get all the nerves and jitters out before I went to interview with a school I was FOR SURE interested in. Overall, it went great. Met the principal of the school (which did not interview me but overheard my interview and wanted a copy of my resume) and I realized that today wasn't going to be AS bad as I had made it out to me. Final question for my interviewer: "Are there going to be any openings in your school system for the 2012-2013 school year?" Response: "I've been working with this school system for 15 years and we've never not had any openings." Seemed as though the room got a little brighter.
Second Interview:
Purpose: GET A JOB. Outcome: Unsuccessful. My interviewer was a principal at a local school. All she did was ask questions and write my response down word for word which was what every other interviewer for this school system was doing. Kind of disappointing but hopefully something good will come of it. I want a job with this school system more than I want my gray hairs to stop appearing. That's BAD.
Third Interview:
Purpose: Go out on a limb. Outcome: Done, son. This was with a Birmingham area school system. HUGE school system. 39 schools with 28,000 students and largest employer in the county (3500 to be exact). Do I see myself moving to Birmingham and teaching there? If the opportunity arises, possibly. Final Question: Same as interview 1: "Any openings?" He gave me his e-mail address and said to look for openings to be posted and either e-mail or call and he'll be glad to send my resume and cover letter to the principal of that school. PERFECT!
Fourth Interview:
Purpose: Same as interview 2. GET A JOB! Outcome: Same as interview 1. Interviewed with the principal at a local middle school. The last thing he wanted me to do: "'I'm going to give you 2 minutes to sell yourself and convince me that we should hire you." I know this is hard for some to believe, but I find that awkward. I don't know everything. Never will. But, I rambled through it.
Fifth Interview:
Purpose: Get the experience. Outcome: Success. I really just signed up with this school to get more experience in interviewing and questions. It was the end of the day. Said she'd be in touch if anything came open.
Driving home, reality strikes again. It's so hard to comprehend that I have worked so hard and am so passionate about teaching and today proved that not all great canidates get a job. Not all excellent canidates get a job. Only the elite get jobs. It's discouraging. So discouraging, I literally want to bang my head against the wall. I have seriously gone to school for 4 years (giving up every summer for school since I graduated high school to be done quicker) and now it comes down to this?!?!?! REALITY hits. (This time it dead legs me.) But the truth is, teaching is what I love and I will not give up on it. I will find someway, somehow to continue doing what I love. I tried to picture myself in other professions but I just can't see myself doing ANYTHING else without a daily reminder that I know I belong in a classroom. If it's meant to be; it will be. And it;s not up to me. It's up to God. That's what I keep telling myself! I just need to let go, and let God handle it.
Anyone who knows me, knows I am a planner. I can't decide on Wednesday, "Hey, let's go to the beach Friday after work." Why? Because then I wouldn't have time to make a packing list or lay all my outfits out or plan an agenda. Yes, I take things to that extreme. So, letting go and not worrying about what will or will not be is difficult for me. Dang near impossible. My lease at my house runs out in July. I can't go back home. Well I can, but I am ready to be a big girl. (Plus mom and I have already talked about how we would claw each other's eyeballs out. In a nice way of course.) So, not knowing if I'll have a job or not is KILLING me. I think about it daily. Sometimes about 5 times daily. I am so ready to get a classroom of my own. My mom has so graciously taken up my addiction to teaching stuff and school supplies, and I have boxes, probably around 20, filled to the top with teaching materials and stuff to decorate my classroom with and now I'm scared I won't even get to use it. What if it's 2 years from now when I get the stuff out to use? Reality again. Its hit so hard today, I can't even feel it!
I just wanna do what I love. No offense, but there are some teachers who HATE their jobs. I'd gladly take their position. I just need the opportunity and I promise that I will not let the individual down who gives it to me.
Until next time, I'm plotting revenge on reality.
Got a little bite to go with my bark.
P.S.- Every interviewer today asked me where I was from. "Tallassee" EVERY REPLY, "Ohhh where the historic hotel burned down. So sad." Maybe we aren't known as "Lil' Miami" anymore. Or maybe they fogot when they heard about the hotel. Either way, the Hotel Talisi is remembered.
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